Ethereal Trades

A dark side...

Where Darkness Ceased to Roam

by John Daniel Jackson

"Hey, Jason looks like we've got trouble, it's that old bag again complaining about that old guy. Says today he tried to eat her cat. Can you believe that, she thinks that's a crime! He stood back and thought for a moment. Well, it may be, but I think she just doesn't like him."

Jason Kennerson, a cop with the Gateway City Police Department leaned back in his chair and yawned. "Abe, can you just go take care of it, it's not nice to keep the crazy lady waiting. Geez, third time this week."

"Fine. replied Abe in a hesitated voice. Man this lady really creeps me out though." Jason just looked at him in one of those looks that just screams, "Give me a brake". Abe left silently leaving Jason to himself. He sat up and scratched his head realizing he needed a haircut. His brown hair was almost shoulder length now. That didn't matter to him though. He was too busy researching a case that was not for him to research. Being part of the local police and S.W.A.T. team didn't really permit him to be looking at detective case files. Still, to him, that didn't matter. These cases of unanswered questions pained him. They called for him from their cluttered file cabinet.

The files were on cases involving unanswered death and disappearances. Coroner's report clearly stated that the wounds on the victims' body were bite and scratch marks. The files would be more in depth only the problem was that the bodies disappeared shortly after the coroners' on the scene report. All clues led to a local cult that was suspected of devil worship and human sacrifices. When taken in for questioning however, the suspects stated that they have no clue what they detectives were talking about because they "don't deal" with human sacrifices, only goats.

Before he could finish reading the report for the 50th time, Abe came back in stating only that the old bag was putting up a mighty fuss and that he needs backup. "Hear we go." Jason thought. Upon arrival into the lobby, Jason was not surprised at seeing the old lady screaming at everyone once again.

"I tell you, he tried to eat Mr. Kensington! He grabbed at him! If it wasn't for me my kitty would be dead!" Abe spoke up and tried to get a hold of and calm down the lady.

"Miss, calm down, I'm sure you misunderstood. Things like this happen all the time. Maybe he was just trying to pet him."

"I don't think so. the old woman said with a terrified tone. You should've seen his eyes. He wasn't normal ya hear!" Jason stood back and smiled at how well the new guy was handling the woman, he was a born cop.

"Ma'am. Jason calmly stepped into the conversation, seeing how the woman was starting to calm down. Do you want us to go check this guy out and tell him to leave you and your cats alone?"

"That would be great!" the woman said with a relieved smile.

Jason and Abe arrived at the old man's house minutes later. It was a wreck. "Hell, Jason exclaimed. If everything else checks out, we can still book this guy on destruction of property!" Abe nodded and walked to the house. He knocked three times and heard nothing.

"Mister. . .(looking at the nameplate on the door) Jones! he called out. You there?" No answer. Then, a scream was heard from inside the shanty. Abe looked at Jason and watched as Jason gave him the ok to bust down the rotting entrance. With guns drawn, the pair slowly walked over the door wreckage into a house that stunk of death.

Both were to overcome by the stench to speak. A noise came from the bedroom and the walked to the door ready to fire. One man reached for the knob to open it while the other positioned himself to strike. The door swung open to a room like any other room, only parts of different animals were scattered around the bed. "My god, what could do this?" Abe asked in bewilderment and disgust. The answer came when a figure of what seemed to be a man attacked Jason from behind.

"GOOD LORD!" Jason exclaimed, trying to hold off the attacker. " He's trying to bite me!" Abe looked terrified.

"Jason, I can't get a clear shot!" Seeing the problem, Jason grabbed the forehead of the beast, trying to keep it from munching on his shoulder. With his left hand he pulled a Beretta out of his holster. As quick as a flash he released the beast and blew his face away before one tooth could touch Jason's skin. Checking to see if he was really dead, the two got in close, guns aimed at the body. Abe read the nametag on the attacker's clothes. It was Joe Jones. He read the words under the nametag aloud "Raccoon City Sewer Systems".

Resident Evil ? is a copyrighted title by the Capcom Corporation but the journalistic content and characters are property of John Daniel Jackson ©1987-2003

from MeowMommaGin...

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.