October 08, 2004
More of Life Rulez!
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Keely and Bern visit!
This was a blast! Keely and Bern came to Shreveport after a vacation in New Orleans. I'm surprised that we went out for dinner after they were exposed to the French Cuisine of New Orleans Restraunts. Keely still resides in Ardmore, Oklahoma and her close friend Bern (Bernerd 8-) is from Sydney, Australia.
We walked around the downtown River Walk and Casino areas and finally settled on Nickey's Mexican Restraunt. After a very fine meal (most of us stuck with different variations of seafood) we were outside and surprised by the live band setting up under the Texas St. Bridge.
The weather and Dirty Red and the Band made sitting outside, sipping Irish coffees, and talking about everything under the sun and stars memorable. The time was too short not to talk straight from the heart, and so the laughter, tears, smiles, kisses and hugs were abundant.
Baby girl, I miss you so much!
Dad
Life Rulez!
Sorry! the other screen name is DorkyGirlzRule... BTW...last night (Wed night/Thurs morn) Connor got real sick...some sort of stomach bug. The poor baby threw up all night. He is on a clear liquid diet (pedialyte and juice) for the next couple of days, since he can't keep formula down at all. A little diarrhea, too, but no fever, thank goodness. So far he has stayed pretty hydrated, but I sure was worried about him. Anyway, I love you. I will talk to you tomorrow.
MUAH!
Lauren
May 19, 2004
The 1st / 156 Armor Leaves for Iraq
We continued the ceremony as everyone gathered at the Hirsch Memorial Coliseum, food being served, families meeting families and building future support groups to aid in coping with the distance, loneliness, and worry, neither of which we can control or predict. Even in all the activity and crowds there remained a knot in the throat of the entire affair. This still isn't news. And our grief is our own, not a sound byte or camera fodder.
If democracy is worth fighting for then those of us that stay behind are paying a price too. If love is worth fighting for we are torn between family and country. Our fear of the unknown, vying for our energy and vitality for life, becomes the rock we break ourselves against. Whatever the madness that conspires to rob us of our serenity and way of life, conspires to rob us also of those we've bore and loved. We pay a heavy price to bring sanity to the world, and we do it with pride while some of our men and women pay the greatest price of all, and lay down their lives in the constant battle that is life amongst turmoil.
Our last less public moments were better spent with Charlie Company on Sunday evening at a crawfish cookout where we could relax and talk with the men that would have my sons' back and he theirs. We talked to the Officers and NCO's that would be watching over our men, each personally assuring us of the care they would bestow on every single soldier in their command. I looked deeply into all the eyes that would meet mine. I looked to measure the character and resolve, looking for assurances that I'd only get from a merciful God, and in that He would hold them all to His plan.
Now it will be letters and calls, all too infrequent, and sleepless nights, but dreaming of their safe return. We pray for all those in the 1st / 156th Armor Battalion and their families as we do our own. I hope we can come to depend on each other the way our men and women will learn to do in the field, and that when any of us receives good or bad news, that we would be allowed to rejoice or grieve in private.
Bobco
March 24, 2004
Win the race, my children...
Life is a bitch.... and if there is anything I would like you to take with you, is that "can't never could"
Trust in prayer, trust in God, and be yourselves, because you are so blessed in that alone. You are what has been instilled in you. You are all, in this moment, what you are. Special, independent and dependant, growing, developing, nurtured...
We all fall down, but we keep getting up and help those we love to do the same. None of us do it alone... I am always with you.
Win your race, whatever the cost, and pray, because God answers prayer.
I love you,
Dadco
March 12, 2004
Oh Happy Day...
I am alone in my room and find myself raising my hands to God in thanks for the Grandchildren; Riley and Connor, for my children; Keely, Jennifer, Lauren, Paul, Daniel, Samantha, and Brooklyn, and to the assurance that God and his/her (8-)) Angels have no doubt been working in our all our lives.
With tears in my eyes, I am thankful for the blessings that surely counteract the stresses of not seeing enough of any of them, I see that His Angels are continuing to watch over all of us in these trying times. I save the voicemail on my machine to play over and over, to hear the sweet voices of the children when they call. I'm thankful that they still call.
Paul will surely be going to Iraq, but I know he is mentally prepared for his task. It is amazing what a few years make in their lives and I Praise God for working His Miracles and answering prayer.
Jennifer is truly in love, as is Lauren. Both Andy and Clyde are good and honest husbands, dedicated to their families, and proud, caring fathers for Riley and Connor, and good to my children.
Keely is fulfilling her dreams, is safe and close to her Mother and GrandMother. I'm glad she is home and not still in Los Angeles (Lost Angels), California. She has had a void in her life that I could not fill, and I pray that God heal and fill the spots I cannot reach.
Daniel has God in his heart, and is still being molded by the Spirit... and if I ever hear him disrespect his Mother in person, I'll take his head off. 8-) ...(but weren't we all like that at 16?).
Samantha is home, and maturing. And it is amazing that Lauren could intervene and influence where and because she was in the same place at her age and loves her stepsister. Different circumsatances but the always the same feelings.
Brooklyn has God's Own Heart, and a hundred Angels watching, guiding, and protecting her.
Terri, Ginny, and Lisa are there for all of us, as is God. I am indeed a fortunate man.
"Lord, send a revival, and let it begin with me"
March 01, 2004
New Arrival!
Connor Ethan Hunt Arrived on the 26th of Febuary at 3:41PM. Connor weighed in at 8lbs 3oz and is 21 1/2 in tall.
Just thought yall might wanna know...
clyde
-----------------------
Update 3/12/2004
I've recently held both Riley and Connor and it was overwhelming. Such perfect and beautiful souls, healthy in every respect, and the most fulfilling is the look in their Mothers' eyes that I remember so well. It takes me back to a time when I held the both of you.
I love you all,
Dadco
January 26, 2004
Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is literally a disease of many scars
I briefly referred to having had the "last of my treatments" in a recent post and I've received email inquiring about what had been going on. I've kept my health issues out of the blog, focusing on all the positives in my life, but I realized that there are still some of my own family members who do not know exactly how MS effects those afflicted.
I found an incredibly concise and informative description on the Montel Williams MS Foundation web page. There was also a show today devoted entirely to MS, its affects, and various treatments under research.
The scars - or scleroses - form on nerve fibers in the brain, spinal cord, and optic nerves, which are the basic components of the central nervous system (CNS). Also known as plaques, these scars are the result of lesions that destroy the protective material that surrounds the nerve fibers. This material is called the myelin sheath.
Much like the insulation on an electrical wire, an intact myelin sheath keeps nerve impulses traveling rapidly and accurately along the nerve fiber. These impulses are essential to normal movement and sensation throughout the body.
MS lesions eat away at the myelin sheath, eventually healing into hardened scar tissue. This process is called demyelination.
The scar tissue "short circuits" or interferes with the proper transmission of nerve impulses to various systems in the body. The result is a broad array of motor and sensory disabilities.
If the sheath can regenerate itself - known as remyelination -- normal nerve function may return. If not, the nerve will eventually die, and the disability will be permanent.
As the extent of nerve damage increases, the level of disability can grow progressively worse over time.
Researchers believe the damaging lesions are caused by an autoimmune reaction, where the body's defense system mistakenly attacks its own tissue. What triggers this abnormal immune response is presently unknown, although viral infection and/or environmental factors are suspect. Genetics may also play a role in susceptibility to the disorder.
The immune system's assault causes inflammation of CNS tissues. The inflamed nerves then develop the destructive lesions that adversely affect a variety of functions, depending upon the location and extent of the lesion damage.
These functions include:
Balance and Coordination
Bladder/bowel control
Pain
Sensation
Sexual function
Speech
Stamina
Strength
Thought process
Vision
So there Ya go!... Bottom line is, I feel better than I have in over a year and am enjoying life and family more than ever.
Bobco
January 20, 2004
The New Year: HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK ALONE
Last year has much to be remembered and much I'd like to forget. My treatments are over after 48 weeks (total) and I am looking to have better health. What a way to start out a new year, so I'll keep all the political stuff out of the blog (we're getting our fill of it already) and start out the year with re-running the WMD Flash and provide some tips for when the political diatribe gets to you...
---------------
Let's say it's 6:15 p.m. and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated.
Suddenly, you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home; unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. What can you do?
Yo! u've been trained in CPR but the guy that taught the course neglected to tell you how to perform it on yourself. Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, this article seemed to be in order. Without help, the person whose heart stops beating properly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigo! rously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough. The cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. And a cough must be repeated about every 2 seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep it circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.
From Health Cares, Rochester General Hospital via Chapter 240s newsletter AND THE BEAT GOES ON ... (reprint from The Mended Hearts, Inc. publication, Heart Response)
To your survival,
Doc
December 29, 2003
Growing Pains
Now this is really cool... watching familiar behavior in your children. It really is like the miracle of compounding interest when it comes to your kids and grandkids. They multiply rapidly in the later years.
Dadco
.
November 07, 2003
Letters from Ft. Knox...
Paul writes from Kentucky, "Letters are gold around here and You, Mom, Dan, Lauren, and Clyde have made me feel richer than Bill Gates."
I remember when I was in Basic Training at Ft. Jackson, SC. Feeling lonely, lost, challenged, always riding a keen edge that defines our limitations and explores our potential. I can already hear the difference in Paul's voice and the change in the tone of his letters. He's enjoying himself... meeting the challenge, discovering that attitude IS everything (and that CAN'T NEVER COULD). Those two bits of wisdom I've repeated to my children over and over, and I've been reminded by all of them that they will always hear me prodding them gently with those truths.
But now it's Paul's time to shine, discovering that HE can meet lifes' challenges, enjoy each day for what it is, and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with completing tasks, pushing HIS limits to reach goals, and the Esprit De Corps of achieving excellence as the member of a team.
"P.S. - I'm on the tank now... this machine ROCKS! - Some Blue Phase guys are conna get their asses handed to them by the Wolverines."
We all love and miss you too Son. Can't wait to see you over the Christmas Holidays.
Dadco...
October 08, 2003
"We've Got a P3N1S!"... Lauren Hunt to her Dad
Connor Ethan Hunt
It's official. Clyde and Lauren Hunt are due in late Feburary or early March. Kinda reminds me of the Miracle of Compounding Interest in that (and in this case) the family grows exponetially in the later years =o).
Lauren and Clyde were here last Saturday so Clyde could be at Barksdale AFB for drill. Lauren is now stationed in Buloxi, MS., and we met at St. Vincent Mall to take the shuttle to the Red River Revel. It was myself, Daniel, Lisa, Brooklyn, Samantha, Lauren, Clyde, and Melinda, all of us enjoying the time together and the Revel itself. Brooklyn and Melinda especially enjoyed getting to know one another and holding hands as they drooled over the smells and wondered at all the sights. We ate, we danced, listened to music, and had a wonderful time.
Bobco
September 17, 2003
Struggles
At times I feel weightless in the love that surrounds me and leaden in its burden. As a father I struggle with doubt, sleepless nights over pages turned in our lives, decisions of years past that bring us to this moment, and pray that God watch over our children as they venture out on their own.
My son, Paul, had 4 years of ROTC in high school. The plan was simple. ARNG/ROTC scholarship to Northwestern, some real life education beforehand, some discipline where more gentle parents were slack, and a solid foundation with which to build the rest of his life on. So he spent his summer preparing, committing himself so long ago.
We stayed up late many nights in the last few months talking about adult things, father to son. His sister settled in the Air Force and is well on with her way, but things have changed in the world for all of us in the last few years, and Paul is very much aware the price he may have to pay to continue on in his stead and to reach his goals.
We hugged as his Mom and I saw him off, the both of us welling up with tears as we went our own separate ways, our bird out of the nest too soon. All the preachers words and internal fights, knowing the sweet smiles, other pages turned seeking wisdom, naked before God for the refinement of character, and casting down ill thoughts... none abate the fear that touch us for a childs sake.
So I anxiously await the first letters (with the cards, envelopes, and stamps we supplied), the call reeking of homesickness, being there too to celebrate his accomplishments, and most of all, to hug the man that returns.
Dad
August 27, 2003
The 'Class' of 2003... Paul David Jackson
I was crushed when I found out the roll of film we shot at Paul's graduation this spring at the Hersch Memorial coliseum was blank. We had such a wonderful time, are so proud of all the children and I have shared these moments with you religiously over the last year. Paul's graduation was one of those special events in my life where it seemed everything had come full circle.
I remember so well attending concerts there in 1969, still in High School myself. We sat with other proud families, some who I grew up with, and were now seeing our children cap this achievement in their lives in preparation for the next. Lauren preceded Paul last year and the family event was shared here, and I wanted to do the same for Paul to show him how proud I am of his successes and that he is loved no less than his brother or sisters. Coming full circle... I have missed so much, learned so much, and have been both cursed and eternally blessed.
Paul will be going to boot camp mid September, has been in ROTC as a lieutenant, is currently in the National Guard, and will begin college at Northwestern next year after his initial training. He is determined, interspective, kind, funny, extremely talented, and deeply respected. He loves his family.
I love you SonShine! God keep you next to His heart as I will, protect you as I've tried, and bless you as He has all of us.
Dad
August 15, 2003
To All my children...
Bridge Over Troubled Water by Paul Simon, 1969
When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all
I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Sail on silver girl/boy
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
When you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Peace...
Daddy
August 05, 2003
I'm a Grandpa!
My Granddaughter Riley Devin Harris was born at 10:12pm on August 4, 2003 in Ardmore, Oklahoma, weighed in at 8lb 6oz, and was 20" long. It just goes to show ya' what an extra week-and-a-half will do to a bun in the oven! ;-) Jennifer was exhausted after the extended labor but looked radiant for the first pictures. (I won't post any of them for fear I'd be shunned, maimed, or executed 8-)
I told Keely to let Jennifer and Andy know I'm posting a picture of a baby monkey until I get a real one! At birth Riley looked a lot like her father Andy (which isn't a bad thing at all) and I am so proud of both of them. Grandma Molly reports that she is looking more like Jennifer everyday though, and her hair is light to red. Keely (Jennifer's sister) was also there to share the joy!
Have a virtual cigar on me!
Grandpa
July 22, 2003
Luna Nueva - The New Moon
Every thousand years or so heavenly bodies are born of spirit and seed, forever held tight by the gravity of those near them. So it is Mother to Child whose worlds come from and revolve around the other.
You'll recognize her by the way she moves and rolls and bucks, and remember when she was inside of you, a part of you, inseperable for a time, dancing in her evolution, born of the pride.
Contemplating, communicating, spending time together, growing strong, all within one, one with all.
You smile for her, sing to her, rock and dance. Your smile new too, completing, knowing, surrendering life for grace.
May you find the peace, expectation, and joy in her. She is an extention of you, forever bound by blood, protected by love, and held to the heavens by God's Hand.
Daddy
June 30, 2003
I dig chicks in BDU's...
Especially when it's my daughter lookin''' strack with the beret and ascot. The good news is she and Clyde Hunt III are expecting an addition to the family sometime next March. Hoooaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
Lauren is currently in her didactic rotation in the hospitals at Andrews AFB, Maryland, and luckily her hubby was able to follow her up there to continue the honeymoon (thus the good news I'm sure might have been different had he continued his computer hobby ;-). Clyde is a jet mechanic, also Air Force trained, but works civil service and anywhere else he can just to be near his wife. I love that! It's a lucky day when a dad can really appreciate a son-in-law as I do Clyde. They both make me proud.
Lauren is using IM via AIM right now as I'm writing this. It's a wonderful feeling to know they're so close and can give you a play by play everyday, up to the minute news, and immediately be there for them when they say "I need you" or "I've had a crummy day". Here's how the recent announcement went:
IrishBabyLuv4CH: hey grandpa
IrishBabyLuv4CH: to the 2nd power
IrishBabyLuv4CH: :-D
Bobasaucerous: OUCH... for REAL?
IrishBabyLuv4CH: why ouch? its GOOD news
Bobasaucerous: hehe are you happy? 0X0X0X0
IrishBabyLuv4CH: yes... relieved to know for sure...many stressful days not knowing, but many neg tests..today one finally came back pos
Bobasaucerous: COOL...
IrishBabyLuv4CH: are you not happy?
IrishBabyLuv4CH: starting to feel your age?
IrishBabyLuv4CH: lol
Bobasaucerous: I'm on the phone (and dancing in my chair)... just a sec
Bobasaucerous: YES!!! I talked to Clyde this morning. Are YOU happy?
IrishBabyLuv4CH: YES!!!
IrishBabyLuv4CH: what did clyde say?
Bobasaucerous: I told Clyde they don't make uniforms big enough... We'll put you in a GP Large (tent) LOL
Bobasaucerous: He didn't know yet that it was pos I guess
IrishBabyLuv4CH: he said he told his mom last week that I was preg, but ...man he told you too?? we didn't even know for sure till like 30 min ago
Bobasaucerous: he told me about the negative tests
Bobasaucerous: is HE happy?
Bobasaucerous: Is your CO (Commanding Officer) happy?
Bobasaucerous: LOL
IrishBabyLuv4CH: lol yeah
IrishBabyLuv4CH: we are excited
Bobasaucerous: Cool honey... I'm excited too
IrishBabyLuv4CH: now I have to start thinking about that little person too....I'm gonna have to start eating better
Bobasaucerous: Stick with your day job though... it'll be worth it.
Bobasaucerous: Free hospital and delivery, and you.... hold on.
IrishBabyLuv4CH: k
Bobasaucerous: kk I'm back
Bobasaucerous: It'll be fun until you get deployed
Bobasaucerous: :-)
Bobasaucerous: Let's see... times 2 (2X) hehehehehe
Bobasaucerous: It's all good... start thinking of names, all that stuff.
Bobasaucerous: No time like when you're young enough to enjoy them when you get older.
Bobasaucerous: :-) I love you so much
Bobasaucerous: Must've been a hell of a honeymoon... HAHAHA
Bobasaucerous: Did you tell MOM yet?
IrishBabyLuv4CH: ::Clyde:: I don't think she has told her mom yet
IrishBabyLuv4CH: she stepped outside
Bobasaucerous: Paul is going to call her Grandma when she wakes up
Bobasaucerous: LOL
Bobasaucerous: I love you Baby Girl...
IrishBabyLuv4CH: I love you too daddy
And so the conversation went, and we talk nearly every day. My 30 year old daughter Jennifer is due within the next two weeks. Why is it I still feel like a kid myself? I guess the advantage there is I'll be more fun to play with that way...
I Love you Lauren,
Daddy
March 09, 2003
Metamorphosis
Sometimes I don’t want to be
what people think is me.
I want to change, metomorphosize.
I want to be something different than me.
Something or someone that has all the luck,
That has every ability that is not me.
I just want to be something that makes me happy.
Is that me already?
What if I am already that person?
What if that person is waiting inside me?
I want to be what I want to be, that is just me.
If it ever happens that I had to choose between myself and this other person,
I might choose. . .?
-jdj
--------------------
The above was written by my son John Daniel Jackson. John is a high school junior with a 4.0 average, sharp wit, and good heart. He loves his family, is an accolade in his church, his moral conviction is self evident. When he was younger he was bullied at school, but his character was tempered by many cruelties, and his determination to be the individual he already is has found fertile soil.
It's funny what we see of ourselves when we look in the mirror, and rare that we are comfortable with it. We worry so much of what others think about us, yet would be surprised if we knew they seldom did... think about us.
I'm proud of the man you are son, the man you will become, and grateful to a merciful God that you bless all our lives, and will bless those whom you've yet to touch.
Paternally,
Dad
March 04, 2003
the Wedding (and Graduation)
I arose at 03:30, still having to finish packing for the trip. Clyde had been busy the last several weeks calling everyone at Lackland AFB attempting to make the arrangements happen. Ginny was picking me up in our rented Saturn and we were well on the road by 06:00. We talked about how proud we both were of Lauren and the positive changes that she'd made in her life over the last six months and, of course, how sudden the Wedding had come up and its' inclusion in the rest of the weekends' graduation activities.
We made the 14:00 briefing which saved us a lot of trouble and time the next morning. Clyde met us there, and we all attended the formation of the trainees at the end of the day. After saying our hellos and a quick trip to Pizza Hut and then to Clyde's room, we visited briefly and made plans for the next day and went our separate ways.
Friday morning, Feb 14th, was dark, cold, and raining. We made our way to the Parade Grounds at the Air Museum and found our places in the grandstands. It was steadily coming down, but all the graduating Flights were lined up, stock still, impressing those of us trying to stay dry. All the Airmen performed perfectly, bands and flags, salutes, protocol, Esprit DeCorps evident in the successes of the last months.
A dash back to the room to change into our "wedding attire" and we managed to find the Hope Chapel in time for the ceremony. Beautiful... and the Chaplin was terrific. I cried as did Clydes' mom. I walked Lauren down the aisle, Ginny was the Bridesmaid, Clyde Sr. the Best Man. Laurens' Uncle Allan and Kelly Conkling attended and witnessed the affair. Ginny brought the traditional "Conkling Porta-Wedding" consisting of cake, the wedding knife, sparkling juice, and an assortment of other goodies. We had a brief party at the NCO Club and left the newly weds to themselves for the remainder of the evening.
Pictures are available in the new and improved Gallery (Presenting Mr. and Mrs. Clyde & Lauren Hunt!) or in the "Features" section at the top of the right hand column click on the "Wedding" link.
January 29, 2003
Paradox
Gregory Lee Jackson - Jun 26, 1950 - Nov 2, 1985
I sit here listening to the music we used to listen to, wondering what it is I need to say, and who I'm really saying it to. Maybe I'm speaking to that part of me deep down that has always been hurt by the loss of you in our lives and the cloud over your soul even unto death. I felt your pain too, and wished I had shouldered more. When I couldn't hold you up I tried to lift your spirit. When the despair was a leaden shroud in your life, I turned you over to God. I didn't cry for eight months, and then it came in a flood of grief.
I shouldered the burden of your loss with our family, and your family. When your daughter cried I held her tight. When we speak of you, still, she knows only the best of you as seen from my eyes, her memories fleeing ever more. She still touches you through me when she isn't living her own life. I can only pray that you are in heaven and have all the answers. Except for faith only you know that secret... is it dark or light there? I guess therein lies the fear.
"Daniel, my brother, you are older than me. Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal? Your eyes have died, but you see more than I. Daniel you're a star in the (fanthomless) sky." -Elton John "Daniel" Always this song brings me to you. We were always waving goodbye and you were right here... Flying, raucous, in your face fun, all heart.
I'll never forget when you ran down the street and stopped a moving VW Beetle by the bumper after it had hit my dog, and then the compassion you showed the driver in your righteous anger. Turning my quad stereo up full-tilt-boogie while I was still sleeping, standing there with your 16oz breakfast and in your best "good morning" grin. Hair on your chest that was sparse but would put an eye out. Odd or Even, Greg? Was it really an accident? Can not a God that is bound by his own word also be merciful?
Life goes on brother, dear brother. I miss you, still grieve, still wonder if I'll see you again... is it dark or light there? Are you anywhere?
"FOR I AM PERSUADED, THAT NEITHER DEATH NOR LIFE, NOR ANGELS, NOR PRINCIPALITIES, NOR POWERS, NOR THINGS PRESENT, NOR THINGS TO COME, NOR HEIGHT, NOR DEPTH, NOR ANY OTHER CREATURE, SHALL BE ABLE
TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD, WHICH IS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD." ROMANS 8:38,39
January 21, 2003
Happy Birthday Daddy!
Hi Daddy,
I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and let you know I was thinking about you today. How are you feeling these days? I would really like to know so feel free to call or e-mail at any time.
It was so good to talk to you over the Christmas Holiday and hearing your voice made me realize it has been too long since we've seen each other. I will try to work on this for the future. Maybe I could re-visit Shreveport sometime, I haven't returned since I left in 1986. Weird Huh-
Also, mom's putting a package together for you of some of the work I've been doing in school. I think that you will enjoy as well as relate to my esthetic. I get alot of this from you and there is not a creative day that goes by that I don't think about where it all came from. Please have a great day and remember your #1 is thinking of you!
I Love You!
K. Dawn xoxoxooxoxoxox
Dear Keely,
I was so glad to hear from you honey. Now I feel like a teenager all over again. I am feeling well so don't waste time worrying about me, as I fill my many moments with memories of you... My #1.
I was turning 18 and remember being unable to bear the thought of not being around you. I remember a bald head and bright eyes in a baby girl that didn't stray far from me. I'd take pictures of you for hours, posing you among the flowers on the Centenary College campus. Carry you on my shoulders at an outdoor concert, swim with you at the lake, lay with you on the carpet and play.
I remember you in my rubber boots in the rain, holding an umbrella, or chasing a kite in the field outside the apartment, always growing so fast. And I remember missing so much in the years to follow, being too young to realize the sacrifice in compromise and the irreversible loss it would bring. In my heart you were always first, but I lacked the wisdom and courage to act on it, for compromise...
What hasn't changed is that I still think of you every day, that every child I hold floods me with memories of you, every birthday, every Christmas, I'm paralyzed by those lost. Well, I'm not paralyzed any longer. I've no distractions competing for my time and again I find my heart and thoughts filled with warm memories of you.
I'm so proud of you Keely. You've grown into such a beautiful and talented woman. Determined and proud, firey, Irish.... The world could not separate us forever.
I Love You,
Daddy
January 20, 2003
R&R, +rrrrr
It was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Relaxing, personally enriching, and just plain fun. Daniel was hosting a friend at the house. I love talking to him these days. His voice is so deep, and he delivers the newest jokes from an uncanny sense of humor with such ease and timing. I'm glad all the kids kept a sense of humor.
Paul and I worked/played on the computer, saw the duck pond at night in a full moon, regretting not having a camera. We remembered the camera at the lake the next day. We did things we like to do. Taking pictures, being outdoors, watching the tv late at night. The guy things that if you're sensitive to a spouse you've let go of in the name of peace. But the kids, mostly ourselves, lose a part of our inherent personality, and over time we morph. We don't recognize who we've become after giving up so many pieces of ourselves for work, relationships, negotiation.
And then there's life's moments when we're filled with faint warm memories of times spent together that never seem to impact us in the same way the moment they're made. And they're the simple things we remember so fondly. Riding in the car, listening to NPR and stories of Lake Woebegone. The feel of the wind on our faces, the feel of the season, the smells, impressions deep, all painting the canvas in us.
Rest and Relaxation doesn't have to come at the expense of a trip to the Bahamas. A vacation from the tedium of life can be found in small moments with our kids, strengthening relationships, renewing our perspective of life through theirs, a more simple, honest, and rewarding outlook, and sharing their hope for the future.
Besides, it's just plain fun being "the guys".
Rules for Life via MeowMamaGin
Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are...
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use duct tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; it was given to us by God. He just let us borrow it while we're here....even our kids.
12. And finally... Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
January 07, 2003
Fatherhood
It's moments like this when I'm flooded with emotion. No particular reason to set it off, maybe the pictures hanging above the computer and in their places around the room. Maybe the fact that I'm going to be a grandfather in June, and I'm feeling the doubt that plagues men, the inadequacies of self in response to their children and their needs. Maybe it's because I've one in basic training, and others planning for college, and another that is still too young to care, another so far away that time may never be sufficient to heal the past.
I imagine all men have these thoughts, and pray that the overwhelming love shines through some of the curt replies to innocent questions, the inattentive self absorbed presence, missed opportunities to let them know without a doubt that I am there and nothing is more important than they are. Infrequent phone calls, and last minute gift decisions, failings that I hope they don't hold against me.
It's the pride I feel at their accomplishments, their maturity, humor, sensitivities, and individual personalities that make them so unique and adorable. Their love for each other, dedication to their mother, loyalty to themselves that keeps me constantly amazed.
It's my feeling of loss because they are so grown, off on their own or making plans for their lives and committing to them without my counsel. Educating themselves, and excelling at their studies because they realize the importance, in spite of my own, trivial, accomplishments. Being grateful that they've grown to love God, respect country, and honor themselves by becoming responsible to themselves and others.
Yes, it's times like these when I need to let them know that my thoughts are with them, my prayers for them, and that I am always overwhelmed by the love that I hold for them, and daily resolve to be a better father in the years to come.
I love you all!